New Plans

It is hard to believe how twelve months can seem so long yet at the same time you wonder where it went. The key point is one year later she is still at the forefront of our minds. We expect her to walk through the door or call us at any moment. In some aspects it is though time has just suspended and memories are flooding in at all angles.

Life has taken many different shapes within this last year. I myself, have been very busy with my education. Knowing that my end goal is to have some sort of impact on cancer research with my medical education. So with that in mind I have put my nose into my books and continued on. Alison, begged me not to quit. Her encouragement has kept me going through all my own personal strife this past year and the end of the tunnel is a few short steps away. Ali has helped me reach my brass ring. With hope and honestly, frustration and anger for what cancer fighters (and by this I include their families and friends) have to endure I plan on jumping through that hoop and going for gold.

This past year has brought me surprises; new friendships and happy memories that I would never have had without Alison being in my life. I am so thankful for that and somehow I feel as though she is still at work making things happen, creating these little treasures. I picture her doing it with that wickedly sweet check to cheek grin and that infectious giggle.

I have not been as active as I would like in raising money through Alison's bracelets for the donation we spoke of earlier. We have made progress and have several hundred dollars saved up. After a visit to a local tea house I decided that I need to step this up. So with the help of Ali's loved ones I hope to start a memorial/ annual fundraising event. I would like to incorporate all her favorites and local businesses she patroned for a silent auction. I would also like to be able to use our military connection to make this happen as well. Her story and the stories of others like her, her favorite foods and flowers, along with education will be included. Things are still in the green planning stages but Rene (Ali's little sis') has pointed out that it would be nice to have it on her birthday. So with that in mind there is plenty of time to plan and the possibilities are really endless.

On a sad note; cancer has hit home to more military spouses again this year. We have more and more that get diagnosed with treatable forms of cancer and more that get diagnosed late and suffer a similar fate as Ali. It is hard to imagine that while their spouses are fighting for our freedom they are waging a very personal war themselves. A lot to take in when you consid. These women and men that make up our military spouse community are more than special. They are the epitome of what makes our country so great. Ali was one of these people.Therefore in memoriam of Ali's struggle and her graceful battle (I never knew one could do that before her) with cancer, awareness within her community and a yearly celebration of life would be amazing. Especially, if it takes the blinders (in the miltiary medical community) off those who could prevent this from happening again. This should not happen to anyone.

I will keep you posted and be sure to hand out the details when I find them out myself.


Blessings & Love,

Kimberly

Networking for the Cure

I recently received an interesting e-mail I thought you all would like to read. I am looking forward to working with them in the near future.

Dear 'Alison's Prayer Warriors',
I recently came across your blog about Alison Kline, and your efforts to
start a non-profit in her honor and dedicate the proceeds to funding research
into neuroendocrine tumors. I was deeply touched by your determination and
compassion, and am writing to invite you to partner with us to fund valuable
research projects with the goal of finding a cure.
I work with the Caring for Carcinoid Foundation, the leading 501(c)(3)
not-for-profit funding a research program dedicated to discovering a cure for
carcinoid and neuroendocrine tumors. The vision of CFCF is to eliminate
the suffering of patients, families and caregivers affected by carcinoid and
related neuroendocrine tumors. The mission of CFCF is to discover a cure for
carcinoid. CFCF is the only foundation with a formal Board of Directors, Board
of Scientific Advisors, Board of Patient Advisors, and a structured research
roadmap used to achieve its mission. With low overhead and staffing, and the
financial support of its generous Board of Directors and corporate supporters,
CFCF directs 100% of all individual donations to cutting-edge research of
carcinoid and neuroendocrine tumors. To learn more about CFCF, please see
our website http://www.caringforcarcinoid.org/, or visit our Founder, Nancy Lindholm O'Hagan's, blog at http://www.caringforcarcinoid.blogspot.com/.
I am writing to you because CFCF has the same mission as you do, to donate
100% of all donations to research to find a cure for neuroendocrine cancer, and
I believe a partnership with CFCF would enable your dollars raised to make the
difference that you are looking for. We have donated $4.5 million dollars
to fund leading research projects across the country since our inception, and
are currently launching two exciting large-scale projects that offer exciting
hope and a concrete step in the direction of finding a cure.
CFCF is committed, accountable, and motivated to achieve a cure. We
are already making rapid progress with our many patient support programs,
national research efforts and action plan, annual research symposium,
award-winning and heavily trafficked website, close-knit and well connected
patient community, and renowned Board of Scientific Advisors.
I would like the opportunity to speak with you further about your
efforts to start your organization, as well as offer CFCF's support to you, Tom,
as well as other family and friends. If there is anything that we can do,
please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you. Kindest
regards,
-- Madison Atkins

Development Officer Caring for Carcinoid Foundation198 Tremont Street,
box 456Boston, MA

Get Your Bracelets

If you are wanting your bracelet(s) you can email Ali's sister Rene through her blog and order yours.

Rene has been kicking serious butt and has raised $400 dollars which will hopefully be the start of more money to be raised and a substantial donation by Ali's birthday.

I am going to get a PO Box for those who are interested as well in my neck of the woods. Otherwise, just post a comment if you are a friend of Ali's and live locally by me or Rene. Post to either of our blogs and we can figure a way to get you yours faster.

What's the hold up?

In my wildest dreams I never new all that would go into this. However, that being said I cannot imagine a better person that to devote such time too than Ali. I have looked into easier routes, quicker, less complicated. But after all the brain storming there is no alternative that to take this to the level that in my heart I feel called to do.

Therefore Rene and I are preceding forward with getting our non-profit off the ground. Can't tell you the official name yet but so far it looks like Ali's name will be it. With this we will have a tax I.D. and everything will be on the up and up. Donations that are made will be tax deductible and 100% of the donation will go towards either funding neuroendocrine cancer research or another fund. We have thrown out the idea of an annual scholarship for current and future sorority sisters at her former Purdue sorority to help fund their educations. I think this would tickle Ali. The majority would go towards research though.

I am so tired of promising and then not following through but every time I get close to getting this fund raiser up and going I get a red light telling me to slow down. Better to do it correctly. That last thing we want is the IRS taking away funds. So that being said I am hoping to have this puppy running in a month. That is what the lawyers have told me but we'll see. Once that happens then I will post the non-profit name and tax I.D. number. We will have a separate account established for Ali's non-profit and a P.O. box and you can send your donations or orders there. Receipts will be sent initially via e-mail (if one is provided) and also along with a bracelet order.

It is a bittersweet time. I have been visiting local businesses in the area that Ali enjoyed in hopes of them advertising and helping us sell bracelets. The feedback has been very touching and my heart is warmed by the stories that people share. Many shop owners remember her. Ali was very upfront about her cancer and shared with them. She left a sweet mark everywhere she went. Even though they really did not know her, everyone somehow grieves and tears are shed. This is a small town and like her home in Indiana, Ali made Beaufort her home as well. So with this being said we are hoping that both of Ali's homes will embrace the adventure we are about to embark on and help us be even more successful.

I can see her smiling now! It still hurts and I have many moments. Not a day goes by I don't think of her throughout the day and as we move forward with this non-profit I feel as though we are getting to fight back in our own way at this devil-of-a-disease. Better to be proactive than reactive. Don't get me wrong I cry but then I get mad and more determined and all the while I see I smile in the corner of my mind that lets me know she is giving me the thumbs up. "Go get em'!" I still can't believe it, it still doesn't make sense and all I pray for is for peace of mind and heart. I pray even doubly hard for her family whose lives are now permanently changed. I big piece of their heart is missing. Ali had that way about her, she wheedled her way in and took over a huge chunk. It hurts but not having her in there would be worse than never having her at all. So to that I give thanks.

Please bare with us. We are working hard.

Working Out The Details!

Hey all! I have been having issues with Pay Pal and also my bank! I am trying to get things squared away so that funds go into a special fundraising account for Alison. Before I can do that I have been attempting to get the account set up. Not as easy as it sounds. I am trying to figure this whole no-profit/fundraising thing out. Please bare with me. I am sorry this is taking so long! I am trying to make sure this is done the right way and with my limited time I have available it makes it difficult.



I am sending a substantial shipment to Indiana so if you are interested in getting one from Rene, and are living within close proximity to Rene please get in contact with her through her blog by leaving her a comment. If you are one of Alison's supporters in the Beaufort, SC area and are within close proximity please contact me at kimmymacd@hotmail.com. We can work something out to get you one. If you are not local please be patient. I will either get the Pay Pal account up and running or have a PO Box for you to send a check or money order.

Thanks so much!

A Message From Heaven!

Ali's bracelets arrived this afternoon. It has been a hard day across the board for a lot of us who love Ali. Many tears shed and memories shared and then a ring at the door brought warmth to my soul that I had not felt in some time. So in typical Ali- Christmas- Loving- Style, her message was delivered.

Rene was very instrumental in pulling all this together with me. We went through more font styles than I new existed and more color styles as well. We decided on this color and font. I think it looks amazing and it makes me think back to the picture from the last post. Tom helped as well giving his eye to help us choose a color. I think Ali would get a kick out of the color code we chose. It started with three letters, "PMS"! Who would have guessed her signature color would start with that acronym! HA!


On the other side of the bracelet is a Bible verse (Phil 4:13). Ali references it in her journal and made mention of it many times to me. I know this verse was a beacon of light during her battle with cancer.

It is a well known verse, but I will not write it out here. I think it best if you are interested to open your Bible and look it up. That would make Ali happy! Seeing as how it is the eve of our Savior, Jesus Christ's birth it is quite fitting.

I am in awe of the fact my best friend is celebrating the biggest birthday of the year with the man himself, JC and is with all her fellow saints, followers if (Jesus Christ)!



MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2 Weeks!

I placed the order and was informed that the production time, plus delivery time should be two weeks. So expect the icon to be posted once they come in. If they get in earlier we will have it up earlier. Otherwise, 2009 should ring in and our fund raiser will be ready to roll along with it.

Getting Close!

We are almost there. Stay posted for the pay pal icon to appear in the right column any day now. You will be able to go directly there and purchase your bracelets. I will be sending a supply of bracelets to Indiana where Alison's sister Rene will be in charge of the Indiana crowd. So stay tuned for specific instructions. Shipping is included in the price and all proceeds will go directly to cancer research. As soon as the shipment arrives we will post a picture. Hope you are as excited as we are. Now lets all make this a success and hopefully through this maybe we all can help in the prevention, treatment and irradication of the disease. Ali's Allies........ YOU ROCK!

Bracelet Update!

Hello Ali's Allies! We will be moving forward with the bracelet order within the next few weeks and should hopefully be in business by December. If you are interested shoot me a email at prayerwarriors4alison@gmail.com.

Or post a message! You can also post a message to Rene, Alison's Sister. We are praying for an outpouring of requests. The proceeds will be going directly to Neuroendocrine Cancer research in Alison's name.Once the bracelets come in you will be able to purchase the bracelets through pay pal. We will have a link on this site. Looking forward to hearing from you!


Thanks,

Kimberly

On my Mantle This Thanksgiving!

Well I found them! I was hesitant to decorate. Just not in the mood. Then I heard Ali whispering in my ear! "Are you kidding me?" Well maybe it was my voice but I swear I know what she would be saying. And shaking her head to boot. I could not let her down.

These are my pumpkins Ali gave me last year. I love them dearly. Now more then ever and I am so glad that I have them displayed.

I have not finished it yet. I need to get my twinkle lights out and wind it around the garland but you get the idea. I will hopefully get around to taking a picture of the end product.

Thanks again ALI! I love them and somehow, I know you are smiling! Yes, I did it!

Time Warping!

I have been wanting to make a collage from Ali's pictures for a
header for some time. Time has evaded me and life is happening
all around me. It was pleasing to have some time to get creative
and go through Alison's pictures again. However, that being said,
I still struggle and am taken back by the finality of it all. I just
wonder when I will no longer look at my cell phone and have that
knee jerk reaction,
"I need to call her, oh, I can't!"
Or see a picture of her and immediately be taken back to that exact
moment. I have been sucked into a time warp portal too many times
to count. It was just yesterday it seems. So maybe this is why it is so
hard. Really, it was. I never could have imagined how definite, how
empty it can be at times. Her presence was so apparent and now her
absence is as well. I miss those random phone calls. Talking about
meaningless stuff. Wishing that I could have that right now, at this
exact moment. Those are the things you end up missing the most. The
quirks. The stuff that would be boring to the bystander.

Something happened during those moments of sharing. I let her
in and trusted her and that is a hard thing for me to do. Not only did I
trust, but I was trusted. I felt safe in her friendship and for the first time
in my life I could let that wall down and not worry about judgment. For
that brief time in my life it was like that warm soft blanket I had as a child
or those favorite pair of PJ's. It was warm, comfy, and reliable. The way
friendship was designed to be. Most of all I miss her teasing me and her
giggles. She had sarcasm and wit and it was perfectly timed! But she also
had sweetness, grace, and this gentle way of saying things.

The past three months have been borderline out-of-body (maybe out-of-
mind too), but now that the haze is wearing away in time for the holidays
it just seems more obvious that there is a gaping hole there. Then it hits
me like a ton of bricks; if I have a gaping hole, Ali's family and especially
Tom have an abyss. Opened to the outside. Maybe just reaching in their
hearts could be ripped out (which I am sure it has). It must be endless.

*~*~*~*~I still wish that this is a bad dream! 1-2-3-Wake up!~*~*~*~*~

Time to time warp!

Four Pumpkins

In the past months I had been searching high and low for a gift Ali gave me last fall. More than a few tears had been shed, as my mind wandered down the road of, "I will never find them!" Well three days ago while cleaning out a closet I found them. Opening a thin paper bag, I could not see what it was from the outside, my hands were shaking. I just had a feeling a treasure was on the inside. So you can imagine the overwhelming feeling I had as I peered inside to find Ali's pumpkins she gave me. These were her favorite she told me and I just had to have them. Tears rolled down my cheeks. A gasp and an audible sigh, and a sense that she was right there with me in that moment.

I am still struggling to find that perfect place to put them. At least I now can look at them and squeeze them. They still have the scent of the Yankee Candle she put in with the pumkins when she gave them to me. It made it all the more sweet.

The girls were tickled pink. They remember me letting them open the bag when Ali gave the gift to me. They were thrilled and both girls fondly and very charmingly I might add, refer to them as Auntie Ali's pumpkins. She gave us four, and again my insightful children remembered the four starfish we left pressed into the broken earth of her grave, and said, "Mommy our lucky number, one for me, Kenzie, Auntie Ali and you Mommy!" Funny how such simple things you look at before take on a different significance. It was a beautiful moment.

I love my pumpkins this year more than last. But more so, I love the person who gave them to me. And that will never change. Even when the decorations get put away in that box, I will still be able to draw on that special girl who changed our lives so much. She blessed us however briefly it was with her grace, but the completeness of her blessings were, more like are, what make her wonderful. I look forward to seeing her decorations in Heaven some day! I am sure she and I will giggle with anticipation, like little kids, while we open her boxes to see what lies inside.

Bracelets!

Hey everyone! Sorry for the lack of posting. I have had a pretty crazy month and have been under the weather. But I wanted to update you all on the memorial/ fundraiser bracelet.

First off it looks like we are going with "Alison Kline" to be inscribed on the top, outside of each bracelet and we might include a little something on the inside that would be against the wrist. I am not for sure. I need to contact a few companies and get some quotes. I have decided to go for the custom color. I know it will cost a little more but that is fine. I think Ali would like that! So it will be baby teal/blue. Very Ali!

Many of you voted and we appreciate it, but I think I created more work and stress for myself. Trying to make everyone happy and include a littel bit of everyone in this porcess.This is about Ali and for Ali, and since she was the one who fought cancer she deserves a little credit. So lets keep her name and memory out there. Hopefully, with support of all you wonderful people we will have a very ample donation to make towards research of neuroendocrine cancer. And someday, there will be a cure and prevention.

Anyhow, I will keep you all updated. I am hoping to have the first order before Thanksgiving.

I will be ordering a test bracelet from a few companies and then decide once we have it in our hot little hands. Than we can post what they will actually look like.

Can Almost Smell Fall

Five weeks.

I cannot believe it! In so many ways it seems like forever and yet at the same time just yesterday. My head is mixed, confused, at odds with itself, dumbfounded, angry, questioning. My soul is at peace, is comforted, is rejoicing!

It hurts!

It overwhelms!

I cannot imagine a holiday, a girls night, without her. I rationalize but don't understand.

Just too big.Too hard to swallow.

It has been seven weeks since I last spoke with her. I am thankful for those last words. They bring me comfort. I said what was in my heart. We spoke love! For our last conversation, at least I can look back and know the last words I said were, "I love you!" And in turn those were the last she said to me! So I find a great deal of comfort in that because in the end those are the words you should say and you should hear above all others!

I try and follow the "one day at a time approach" that Alison kept trying to pound into my brain. One minute I am good, the next, I start fast forwarding to Christmas, to the girls milestones.

Then I start imagining what it would be like if she were sitting next to me at this moment.

What would we be talking about?

What would the holidays be like?

I would most definitely throw her a baby shower. What a beautiful mom she would have been. How thrilled I would be to see the joy in her eyes. What would she say when she found out?

How I longed to see that joy when she should have heard the doctors say, "You are in remission". And then one day, "You are cured."

I pretty much loose it at this point. All options are out the window!

I am brought back to that visceral, palpable, throat ache, chest tight, tears welding, breath forced, emotional response. I am there, back in that moment.

I can hear all those things she said she was scared about. All the things she wanted.

Her hopes.

Her Dreams.

I can remember how her home smelt of burnt candles.

I can see the craft projects waiting for completion on her desk.

I can look through her little book of ideas in my mind. Things she wanted to do and make.

So much life left to explore. To pursue. To conquer.

So much more love to give and receive. So much!

I can hear her say, with that genuine excitement, "Kimberly, I can smell fall, don't- cha just love it?"

And then we would breathe it in and we would both smile and that little spark was there!

And for that moment there was joy!

Results!

Here are the results of the poll. We polled on two different blogs. Out of 25 voters: 1 voted Neither, 8 voted light blue, and 16 voted for teal. I am going to do my best to get the closet hue of teal blue that Ali liked so stay tuned in the month ahead for a picture of the bracelets for sale.

As for what the bracelet will say, we are going to have to work on that. We currently have two suggestions that meet the 25 character criteria and a bunch that are too long. Thank you so much for your suggestions. They are all beautiful and I am sure Ali loves them all but we have to stick to 25 characters for this go around at least.

We will be starting our new poll either today or tomorrow. So please participate.

So far the two we will polling on are:

• Dream for Alison
• "Still Fightin' the Fight" (quote from Ali)

We will be attempting to have something put on the inside of each band that identifies the cause.

Get Your Vote In!

OK September 1st is the cutoff to vote for a color. So if you have not voted then do so now. I have received some feedback in regards to what should be placed on the bands. I want to give a shot out to those who put out their ideas. I will be placing a new poll within the week with different slogans and such. If you have a lightening bulb moment please post a comment and give us and idea. If you have any personal insight on something you knew meant a great deal to Ali that might work on the bands then please let us know.

The plan is to post the next poll by the end of this coming week and to run is for approximately 7 days. After that we decisions will need to be made and an order will be put in. If you are interested in purchasing a band we are probably going to be selling each band for $3 (plus postage for those who need them mailed). Please post a comment in the comment section or an email (prayerwarriors4alison@gmail.com) to give me an idea if you are going to buy any. We plan the first order, based off of the feedback we receive, will be submitted soon. It would be nice to get the bands out before fall arrives.

Hope this finds everyone well. We are looking forward to making a sizable donation in honor of Alison (directed towards Neuroendocrine Cancer Research) and know all her supporters will be more than eager to help out. So we look forward to hearing from you soon. Take care and God Bless!

Feedback for a Cause!!

Ali and I had talked about many times the idea of a bracelet for Neuroendocrine Cancer Research. What frustrated her was that there are all these colors flying around for different kinds of cancers and diseases but nothing specific for her type of cancer. She had to pick the general color that represented all the other types of cancer. Well I have done some research and I found a company to make some custom silicone wrist bands as a memorial for Ali and also a fundraiser to continue on with what she had started. I will be working along with Ali’s sister Rene and hopefully many other people to get this ball rolling.
So what do we need from you? Well, Alison said that she likes blue. Well more like a teal-blue. So I am going to include some colors and I want you to vote on which color we should go with. We are limited to 25 characters so I also need suggestions as to what words/letters/characters to put on the bracelets. Post a phrase, bible verse, something Alison would like or that we all can remember her by. Remember 25 characters! We will then do a poll. So please send us your feedback. Also, let us know if you are interested in buying one. We will probably set this up via PayPal and ship it out via USPS. So please post a comment and help us out.

Please click on the following link http://24hourwristbands.com/pages/wristbands-stock-colors.php and look at the Light Blue wristband and the Teal wristband. After you are done please participate in the poll.

Lemon, Lemon, Lemon

She has been gone for 2 weeks now! And it is Hard. Real hard but there has been little rays of sunshine throughout the beginning of this journey. I am sure that there will be even more in the future.

Ali would say to me, "say lemon, lemon, lemon, it will keep your eyes from watering!" Well it works. It makes me giggle and think of her. Unfortunately, after the giggling subsides I immediately feel that sensation again. Lump in throat, eyes start to feel warm,they become wells for my tears, face starts to get warm, then bright red. Before I know it I am there. Full blown crying fit. I just pray for the time when the humor of her ways will make me laugh and then not feel bad about laughing. Man, she had some good ones. I think I will remember her little quirks the most. All those little things that just spelled, A-L-I!Made her, her! It was a beautiful thing! No....It is beautiful!


Love you Ali!

Link to Update!

Hey there everyone! Just wanted to post a link. Ali's and my friend, Jennifer (she is the mother of baby Madelyn) who I posted a prayer request for a few days ago just sent me a link to a site to keep updated on her progress. I hope that prayers are still going out for them. If you would like to keep updated please go to:

http://www.caringbridge.org:80/visit/madelynwiser


and keep updated!


Thanks and God Bless!


- Kimberly

Prayer Request and Journey of Faith!

Driving the road out to Hunting Island today with the girls, the sun was shining and temperature was beautiful for a South Carolina August day. We were on our way to the beach and I received a phone call. Rene, Ali’s sister called to ask for a prayer request. Rene told me Chad’s uncle Larry passed away last night from a Myocardial Infarction (heart attack). It was sudden and massive and has now left this sweet family hurting even more.

I think I had just written that bad things tend to happen when you are down. Not that God is playing with our emotions but more so, bending us to see what we are made of. This life is a test and at this moment Rene's and Chad’s families are seriously being tested. A very painful test, but a test that God is giving them to bring them closer to him. Faith is a verb, an action. It is about knowing something in your heart, in the depths of your soul when all of your physical senses say, “nothing is there”. I like to say it is a sense of its own. This is a journey of FAITH.

Rene has humbly asked for your prayers. Please pray for all the family, both Rene’s and Chad’s. For peace, strength, and acceptance. It has been 10 days since Alison passed and comfort can be found knowing Alison, in her true spirit, is greeting Larry in Heaven. It must be one heck of a party. As Ali was a great greeter and party thrower.

To Feel Joy!

So quiet!

Rhythmic breaths from the other room add calmness to this moment.

Reflecting on a day of joy and feeling so thankful for it, but bewildered.

Lengthy days have passed, more to come ahead.

Confusion is still at the front and I yearn for the haze to go away.

Make sense of all this.

The happy moments come.

I laugh, I smile.

Exchange a hug, a kiss.

Kind gesture's at my feet.

My girls are wrapped around me and for a moment all is right, then guilt.

Guilt!

I was so happy for a moment.

Mad at the guilt, because of all people, she would want me to feel joy.

Joy, in the moment, pure, clean, bright, simplistic, organic, cheeks hurt, belly ache, joy!

Everlasting, joy!

Joy in LIFE!

Joy in LOVE!

-J-O-Y-!

In the Spirit.....

....of this blog I wanted to update you all on something I think Ali would want me to. A mutual friend of both Ali and I is in need of our prayers. Her little baby girl is fighting to recover from having a shunt placed in her pulmonary artery. I won't go into to much detail. I would like to get permission first before I do that. But please keep little Madelyn, her mother, and her father in your prayers. I am sure they would appreciate it as well. Ali would too! Thanks & God Bless! I am sure Ali has already had a chat with God about this up in Heaven and is looking out for her as we speak.

22 Things!

Here are some things I have been thinking about the past few days. Some are trivial and some are, rocking my world, and some are heavy (for me at least).

1.)People say the dandiest things. At first it shocked me, now it can be humorous. Now I realize that they are just trying to help but don’t know how. How can people help? By saying,” I don’t know what you are feeling,” (even if you lost a best friend you cannot possibly understand another’s feelings). “I love you and I am here.” Keep it simple and stay away from clichés like, “it won’t hurt always, you will get past this someday, she is not is pain so focus on that.”

2.)Why do I grieve? I don’t grieve for where Ali is. I grieve for her family and friends and myself that now have to learn to live without her. I grieve for those moments I have to fight picking up my phone to call her. I grieve for the moment we will not share together in this lifetime. I do not grieve for her and yes, she is pain free and in a better place.

3.)I have discovered that I should no longer type my postings in the blogger post box. I will use Microsoft Word and then cut and paste. I am a lazy writer and make lots of spelling and grammatical errors. I hope this will help.

4.)I discovered that if you leave fruit laying on the counter when you go on a trip, you come back to fruit flies. How is this, there were no fruit flies when I left the house Friday?

5.)I realized how I literally left my house with blinders on. Clothes were in the wash and now stink up the downstairs, trash in the kitchen can needed to be thrown away. We had a huge storm on Thursday and all my yard furniture was toppled over.

6.)If you go long enough without sleep at some point you completely shutdown. I did this last night. So did the girls. We went to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 9:30 this morning. Totally forgot to take them to school. Today we will clean the house and spend some quiet alone time together.

7.)My dogs knew the smell of our home town before we even pulled into it. They perked up and started staring out the windows of the car around 15 miles up the road.

8.)My girls have an overwhelming capacity to love and understand. At the end of Alison’s service Mackenzie got on my lap, wrapped her arms around me, hugged me, said, “I love mommy,” and patted my back while rocking back and forth. Madison put her hands on both sides of my cheeks and said, “Mommy your sad, it’s OK for you to be sad, we love Auntie Ali, you be sad, it’s OK!”

9.)Bad or sad things don’t happen when life is perfect. You are hit when you are down when times are tough. God uses it to draw you closer to him. To bring you to your knees. To make you realize you need a relationship with him. Eternity with him is forever and this life is just a blink. He is always calling and the more you cover your ears the harder it will be to hear. You harden you heart. But he is always calling.

10.)Realizing the importance of all that has gone on has led me to question what I need to do to strive for that relationship. A conversation I had with someone close led me to an article on Can you get to Heaven on good deeds? And this was the response. “You may have heard of Jesus Christ or know things about Jesus Christ but as long as you do not know Jesus Christ personally then your soul is lost, no matter how many good deeds you do. The main part of getting to heaven would be to know Jesus Christ as your personal savior and accept him as God and then have a daily relationship with him through prayers and upholding all his commandments. The bible says no one can approach the father except through the son (Jesus). Thus by believing in Jesus Christ and having a personal relationship with God is a good start off point to gaining entry into heaven.” We are not perfect and to imply that we are by saying, "if a am good enough I go to heaven" is putting a quantitative value on Jesus’ blood. It is priceless and we can never measure up. Only one person walked this Earth perfectly. That was Jesus. My relationship needs to be stronger and I need to try harder to follow his Commandments. Knowing this though and applying it is two different things. We all fall short of the glory of God. That is the point. I am sure someone will call me a hypocrite. These are my beliefs and you don’t have to believe them. I am not forcing it on you. We all have free will and it is a choice. What I am saying is that I have a lot of work to do in my heart and with my family. That is all.

11.)I noticed how beautiful our country is. How amazingly breath taking this creation of God is. I am in aw. I have caught my fair share of flies over the past week.

12.)God brings people in and people out of our lives at specific times for a reason. We learn, we apply and we teach ourselves and others through our experiences and all should be for his glory and only his.

13.)On the day God created Alison he said,” Now watch this one. She is going to do some amazing things for me!” And on the day she was called home as her job was done he said,” Job well done, now enjoy eternity with me!”

14.)All my potted plants are dead. But that is OK! I will get more and it will give me an opportunity to pick new ones out and to plant them with my girls.

15.)I am blessed. Through every bit of joy and heartache. I am blessed.

16.)That there is goodness is every one. If I am patient and look for it I will see it. Most of the times, when I least expect it.

17.)That yes, I should surround myself with people who lift me up and are more positive than negative. However, I should not close off people who are the opposite. How else can I make an impact in their lives? Lead by example. People change not by coercion or guilt but by the examples of others.

18.)If you think you can hide food away from your dogs in your car you better put it in a locked plastic or metal box with a lid. I found this out the hard way. Came back to my car after checking into our hotel to find our dinner half gone and smeared all over the interior of the car. I attempted to hide it in a cardboard box at the very back of the car, thinking the dogs couldn't get over the seats and into the boxes. Where there is hunger there is a way. When you are a dog, your motives are carnal and you could care less of the consequences.

19.)Madison and Mackenzie get along 85%-90% of the time and fight the other 15%-10% of the time. Not bad in my book.

20.)Tangible things are just things. Love has a life of its own and that is what life is about. So get rid of the junk and clutter and make room for more love. On your death bed you won’t be wishing you bought something, or finished a project, or made more money. You will be thinking about your friends and family, the memories, what time you should have spent with them, what time you did.

21.)I now see how much FEAR has ruled every decision I have made in my life. How much of LIFE I have not lived. How much I want to change!

22.)I have noticed that this list keeps getting longer every second! Isn't this amazing? Thanks Ali! Thank you Jesus!

Home!

Home! A place that has taken on so many meanings for me lately. While the girls and I embarked on a whirlwind journey away from "our home", Alison was well on her way to her "new home". Tom was returning to a "different home". This is all so mind numbing I struggle to put it into words at times. Well this morning the girls and I arrived back to "our home". It is still the same. Looks like a bomb went off, as I hastily packed after learning of Ali's passing, but it is still ours. Really no difference. In a way I want it clean, but in a way it almost hurts to clean it. I feel like today, I just want to sit and breath. Take the events of these past days, weeks, months, and find out how I can encapsulate it all. If I clean, then it is as it was before. Before this dream turned into a nightmare. Washing it away in my mind is something I would like to do. If I could snap my fingers and make this all a lie, I would. I worry, that I will forget and then pick up my phone and hit my speed dial for Alison. I am scared of that. Blurriness of mind, is something that I am sure I will be quite familiar with. Imagining what Tom and all his and Ali's family are going through literally puts me in a dizzying spin.

I walked into my room after putting down my purse and keys. Ali's flowers she gave me are still in view. I hit the phone messages."You have no messages. All messages played back.... Heeeeeeey it's me Alison........" and the tears pour out and won't stop. In my heart for some reason that first week of May I decided to start saving her voice messages. I don't know if it was that they had just moved, my husband was deployed, and I felt all alone, or what. Maybe in my heart I knew the road ahead. Alison's messages all start the same way. A long "Heeeeeeeey" and a "it's me Alison", as if I didn't recognize her from her "Heeeeeeeey"! It is pretty humorous. I bet she is laughing at me. Her voice sounds good those first few. As the message continue her voice gradually gets more tired and gravelly. It's as if I am stepping back into time from the point she was admitted for her stent to the point she was admitted on the 19th of July. Through all the pain and exhaustion she still sounds so angelic, so wonderfully sweet. I just wish I could bottle up that feeling that pored out of her. Several times I played them while on the road to and from Indiana. Sinking! That is the way I describe it. That feeling when your heart falls into your stomach.

I have been asked far too much, "what do you think? Did you enjoy it? Do you think Alison would have liked it?" in reference to her funeral. So I have been able to think on this long and hard. And my answers are as follows;

What do I think? Hmmmmmm! I wish I could think. I wish I could take one thought
keep it in my brain and just chew on it and then spit it out. But I can't.
Thoughts are layered in my mind right now. I cannot hold conversations without
forgetting what the point I was trying to make was. Or in some cases I forget
everything and my mind has a meltdown.

Did I enjoy it? No! I am not a funeral person. Alison to me is alive. In my mind when I think or dream of her she is the embodiment of light. She shined and warmth exuded from her. A better word to describe the day, I was comforted. Ali's family, Tom, and his family did a good job with that. I was comforted by the sermon, I was comforted by Tom. I was at peace that she was not in pain. But mostly, I was numb.

Did I think Alison would have like it? I have no clue. Ali and I, when we were together tried to live in the moment. When we talked of her cancer and her struggle with her mortality it never included,"Kim will you say a poem at my funeral?" Don't get me wrong we talked about some heavy stuff. But she did not plan her death, which I admire because it is out of our control and God wants us to LIVE. What I do know it that the funeral was for everyone who loved her. Ali was looking down and was pleased at those who came. She would have been touched at the effort that all her family put into every detail and more so touched that they had to struggle with those details within hours if not minutes of her passing. A passing that no one was
prepared for. Alison would have loved that the people who cared the most, cared enough give their effort during the hardest moments of their lives. That is how Ali is. What Ali would want is for all of us to remember all those little idiosyncrasies that made Ali "our Ali". She was special, she is special. From her cute little sayings, facial expressions, talents, hobbies, the way she cared and the way she loved. She was one of the most porous people I have ever met. She sucked life in and she squeezed it out. To remember her heart is to honor Ali. I think that is the best thing we all could do, that is her legacy. The one thing I can say for certain that she loved, were the orange roses. Man they were beautiful.

I know I bounce back from "was" to "is". Past to present. I just can't deal with the fact that just because Ali's body is detached from her spirit that she no longer exists. We are deficient in the earthy and heavenly knowledge of God. We hinder our own advancement when we think that there is a difinitive "Beginning and an End". I would like to think they are intermingled somehow. We just need to trust, have faith. She is here. Maybe not in the way we would like or think she is. Alison's book is finished but I would like to look at this as a dilogy. Her earthly book has sold well, so God said," Done good now get to work on your second, and called her home." Someday, when I make it to heaven I will get to see her sequel. I bet it is even better that the first.

So now, the healing starts. How do I take that first step? In what direction? I don't know. I just feel like right now, I have no room for being social and going out and making new friends. Just no room. Not that Ali would want this for me, but I feel just like I need to turn inward for a while. Make sense of the lessons Ali taught me and that she is filtering through me as I write this. What is God telling me and then listening to his directions. Making my realtionship with God being my center. Learning to let go and let him take over. I find solace in the comfort of my family and old friends. These people know me. There is no explanation needed. I can be me and offer no apologies for it. It is home and that is where I need to be.

I don't know where this blog is going to take us. Alison no longer is in need of our prayers. However, I know for a fact she would want you to think of Tom and all her family and friends that are struggling to now live life without her. So for that reason in and of itself makes this prayer warrior blog still hers. At what point do I stop or move beyond this into something that Ali would have appreciated? Only time will tell. I don't think the purpose behind the title will ever change. Whatever happens it will all be OK!

Well it wasn't one of my better days but I am better for it. Tears were mixed in with spontaneous laughter. Awkwardness and comfort. Joyful memories were then clouded by sadness. It was like I put all my feelings in a hat and kept pulling out a different piece of paper. One after another after another.
The drive out here was one of beauty. The skies were a little more blue that I last recollect. The clouds looked like round cotton balls floating in the sky. We winded through the breath taking mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee. Watched the horses gallop across the rolling greens of Kentucky. It was a good day.

There is still shock, still sadness but everything has a flip side. Shock will flip to clarity and sadness will flip to peace and joy. Driving away from the church and Alison's grave site today was difficult. A sense of finality came over me. That feeling when a child who was told there is no such thing as Santa but worse. You just can't go back. The joy is different. Kimberly, this is life and at times it isn't pretty, it can be down right messy but at times it is beautiful, and this is it's circle. Never before has it hit so close to home. My life has been enchanted in my mind, very childish thinking at times. I realize. But I felt like someone gave me a poison apple, shoved it down my throat and said, "Awwww, too bad, it doesn't taste good. Now eat it, you need your fruit.". Only difference is I am not waking up with a kiss. Just not that easy. Why not! I can't see it, can't feel it, can't hear it. So therefore, I hurt. So selfish, I know!

So tomorrow I embark on our return journey, this time the bubble has been popped. Truthfully, as we drove all Friday the visions in my head were not of me rushing to a go to a funeral. They were to be at my friends side in her hour of need. Tomorrow, I leave knowing that the band aid is still on and I am just going to have to rip it off slow. Take it one day at a time and try and live life the way Alison would want me to. God blessed me with this angel of a friend and for no reason that I deserved. And through this blessing he has now blessed me more.

Time! Time, love, breathing in and out, and putting my feet back in the water. No fear, just joy .The joy of what another day might bring. The joy of another hug from my husband. The joy of the laughter of two precious little girls. The joy that one day, I will be ushered into heaven with angels and dine with Jesus and who knows, maybe Alison will have prepared something special for my arrival. She will decorate it top to bottom but with stuff so much better than any Christmas or Thanksgiving that I have ever seen. I am sure the company will be breath taking.


And that is the journey.

The girls are still asleep. We have taken our time last night getting prepared mentally and physically for the road that lies ahead. I will be waking them up shortly and off we will be. It feels weird leaving. I keep saying, "I forgot something!" Then I realize, I haven't talked to Alison and yet I saw everyone so special in her life. It feels odd and I still have the lump in my throat and the ache in my stomach.

Please pray for our safe travels. It's a doozy of a drive for two little 5 year-olds to dogs, and a neurotic, mother. HA!
Posted by Kimberly at 10:26 PM 0 comments

Stormy Weather!

Well I have had my moments today. Nothing new. I had talked myself out of going, into going, out of going and now we are packed and leaving in the early morning hours. I am been on a teeter-totter of sorts. Things have not been easy with lots of obstacles. So what is God telling me? Go or not?

So I have come to this conclusion. If I am really not supposed to go, I am sure I will get a major flat tire or something of sorts. That will be my lightening bolt. However, lets stop for a minute and think this out. So I asked myself what lessons am I to learn in all this. Once I said this memories started to flood my mind of all the talks I had with Ali. Conversations about what it is like to have fear and anxiety be at the center of your life. Something that we both identified with. So I asked myself why am I fearing. I won't list them. It is not important. Once I did I had my "ah- ha" moment. I get it God. I need to Let go completely. "Let go and let God" if I want to have and peace, happiness, joy, and fulfillment out of my life. I need to surrender everything by completely trusting the Lord with myself and everyone and everything in my life. Because I have not done this I have been withholding and withdrawing . By doing this I literally bound God's hands with working on my areas of mistrust.

1. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5)
2. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him ..." (Psalm 37:4-7)
3. "Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon His God." (Isaiah 50:10)
4. "Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever." (Psalm 125:1)
5. "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength." (Isaiah 26:3)
6. "A good man ... will not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is established; he will not be afraid, until he sees his desire upon his enemies." (Psalm 112:5-8)
7. "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him ... But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing." (Psalm 34:8-10)
8. "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." (Proverbs 29:25)
9. "But he who puts his trust in Me shall possess the land, and shall inherit My holy mountain." (Isaiah 57:13)
10. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but her leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit." (Jeremiah 17:5)
11. "Do not put your trust in princes, nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help ... Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God ... Who keeps truth forever, who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry." (Psalm 146:3-7)

Just a few. I am sure there are so many more.

So I am setting out. Trusting in the Lord that there is a purpose for all these things. It is not for me to understand just have faith and walk forth. The Lord will deliver me and my little girls to our destination and we will experience what it is God wants us to. It will be a long journey but a journey that I will take head on with my two daughters. It will be a time of stillness, reflection, and meditation on my Lord.

Please pray for our safe travels and all the others coming to say goodbye and show support to Ali's family. Pray for God to grant us peace and to hold us tightly. I am sure he will.

We are almost there Ali! I will be looking for a sign on my way. I am sure you are thinking up a good one right now! I can't wait. Camera is in hand and I am waiting for another one of Ali's Miracles!

LOVE YOU ALI!

Rose Buds!

Today I have been in suspended animation. Walking through my house, looking at all the pictures of her, cards she made. Just shock. Disbelief.

I asked for signs and I think I have received some. One which just became apparent today. I was in my bathroom and looking at this sweet little rose bud vase that Ali got me before she left. There are two silk red roses in acrylic water inside it. Just sweet and dainty like Ali was. I have always admired Ali's larger silk flower in acrylic water arrangement in her spare bedroom, so she found me one of my own. OK! So I am looking at this little thing and crying and suddenly someting pops into my head. "One is me and one is you." Two friends, two buds. And I always referred to her as m best-bud. So how cool! I never looked at it in that way before. Just thought it as a special gift that she gave me. I am sure Ali said it to me. It was like the blinders were taken off.


In the weeks before Ali's passing the girls and I had been working on a box of "Ali's Favorites" that I posted to this blog a couple months back entitled "Alison 101". I was so looking forward to sending this to her. I had purchased everything on the list and a little more. So I sat today and looked inside this box of STUFF. Angry at myself for not making it and sending it 3 months ago. I told my friend Kim who and she said by far the most amazing thing that has been said in these past few months, days, hours, minutes that she has been gone from Beaufort and gone from this world. She said, "Have you ever thought that maybe Alison had you get those things together so that you could use them and remember her?" AMAZING and so right. That would have been something she would do. So I will use her favorite shampoo and lotions. Burn her candles, play her music on my road trip and watch the movies she loved so much. I cut up the fleece "Little Mermaid" blanket we made so she could stay warm in the hospital. The girls picked this out as this was their (Alison and the girls) movie that they watched about a billion times. They wanted her to have something in the hospital that Ali would recognize and remember them by. I think Ali would have wanted the little nieces to have it. And now instead of being from the girls to Ali, it will be from the girls the Ali's baby nieces. I have put together three special bags of goodies for them that we are bringing.

Alison Frances Kline 1981- 2008 ! To My Best Friend!

Alison,

I thank you so much for your kindness, for your love, for your true friendship, for your grace, for your humor. I cannot begin to tell you how much you mean to me. For a brief moment our lives were intertwined and forever more they will remain. You made this world a better place and there is a hole now in my heart where you left. I will do my best to fill that hole with all those good things you taught me. You wanted to be healed and stay with us longer and so did I. My heart breaks for the things you will never be able to do but it sings for all the magical memories you created for all those who loved you so dearly.

I prayed for a divine physical healing, I prayed so hard Ali. I wanted it so bad that at points I was blinded to the pain you were enduring. Today I put it in our Lords hands. Today you were prayed over by hundreds, upon hundreds. Today the Lord listened and replied with the singing of his angels as he ushered you into his kingdom. A place where you will always be beautiful, where you will know no pain, no sadness. Forever more you will bathe in God's grace and complete love. I cannot imagine how wonderful it is. I am sad as I know that I will not see you for some time. For what seems like forever to me, will be a blink of an eye to you. And when it is my turn ,I know that you will be there to hold my hand and walk with me through Heaven's Gates.

In the meantime I will promise to live my life the best I can. To live fully. To love completely. Until we meet again my kindred friend, my best friend, my soul sister, my sister in Christ, my angel friend. So fly Ali fly. We will be there soon what a glorious day that will be.I will see you in a rainbow, in the glistening evening marshes, in the rolling of the water against my feet, in a sunrise, in a sunset, in the smiles of my daughters, in all things good, and in all the things you loved so dear. So if you feel inclined, check in on us from time to time. I will be looking! I love you, my Divine Mrs. Alison Kline. Until we meet again!

Love your Best Friend Always,

Kimberly Ann

In This Boat Together!

All day I have been walking in a sort of fog. All day thinking, "OK, when I wake up from this bad dream, Ali will be healthy!" Why not, I mean, it was just yesterday that we were sitting on her couch in her living room, talking about a new movie we wanted to see, a house project, a stamping creation, our life's experiences. So how can this be? So thankful for those times, so blessed, as I could have not had them at all. To think Craig and I would have been in San Diego in January of this year and I would have not had those four months to spend with her. So thankful I was not able to work and had to quit my job because it gave me two weeks more to spend with her without trying to find time in between work and the girls to spend with her. I was able to have some special memories created during those weeks.

The things I have shared with her, the things she has shared with me, man, people would be shocked at the ways two girls can talk. The funny thing is, we just sat there and spilled and spilled, took turns until it was all left on the table. In the end, I was so thankful that I got those things out of my heart. So better for it and thankful that it was with her I shared it. So blessed that she thought highly enough of me to confide in me. So blessed that my friend confided her thoughts and fear about this cancer with me. She has shown me vulnerability, grace, strength and genuine friendship with me during these times. It is a precious thing to be endeared that much to have someone share with you on that level.

All those memories the girls have of going to Auntie Ali's and Mr. Tom's house bring about smiles and tears these days. The art projects with Mr. Tom and his amazing bon fires (A.K.A. Tom Fires), watching Little Mermaid with Ali, and chasing the cats, how sweet those memories are. That is what it is about. We enjoyed Ali and Tom and the girls will forever have them in their hearts. They always welcomed their hearts and home to us. Matter of fact, Ali and Tom had a picture blown up and framed of the girls from Thanksgiving Day at their house. The girls were having a blast in the back yard and all the adults were huddled around the "Tom Fire". A picture was taken of the girls while they were in a moment of pure joy. I remember crying when Ali handed it to me. It was the best gift. A gift that when I look at today evokes the sweetness of that moment and that day. It is a gift that Ali knew I would treasure and is even more special today than it was almost nine months ago.

It has been over two weeks since Ali and I talked. We were both scared in that conversation and the tears flowed. "I love you" was said and my heart felt like it was breaking. This total feeling of helplessness has come over me. We are all in the same boat together because no one has the solution to fix her little body. I guess there is some sense of comfort knowing that all of us are in this boat with her. I just wish we could get her to the side of the shore we want for her. Out of my own selfishness I feel that the best place is here for her. When the arrogance of my thoughts catch up to me I am shocked that I think that we could ever make this a better place over a eternal home with God. It is the selfishness that I feel I need her, more so Tom and their family needs her more. But like I said before, if the picture was clear, if I new what this was all about maybe I wouldn't go there. It is a struggle to not go there at times. I am just selfish I want more. More Ali, more time. And in this struggle of me fighting my selfish ways I realize the point of it all. If I would have just hugged her a little longer that day before she left, if I would have just drooped everything to go to her Relay for Life, if I, If I, If I, If I....... There is the point. Don't live like that. No could have, should have, would have, because time is not promised to any of us.

Lately I have come to see how small we are. How precious and small in the vastness of everything. Yet, as shown by Ali, all of us are capable of greatness. She might beg to differ. She might say she is just "fighting the fight", and doing what she has to! What she doesn't know, is from the outside looking in, it is not about that. It is how she is fighting and living that inspires. Here is a person, who when she was feeling sick could still have joy and concern for me and for others. She still would ask how my day was, how the girls were doing! Never one for self-pity. When bad news comes she cries, gets scared, then gets up and brushes herself off. Hurdle after hurdle she clears them. Sitting and "stewing in it", is not her way. One day at a time, one minute at a time! One foot in front of the other with hope for better days to come. And with complete grace. She has brought so much grace to my life.

So her time now belongs to Tom and her family. If God wants her, then there is good reason for it. Someday, I will figure out what this journey called "life" is about. Maybe then this will all make sense. For now, I find solace knowing God loves her more than I could. More than anyone. A love that is more pure and complete than anything we will ever know.

"OK, so God you have not taken my offers of payment for Alison's health so far, so I am falling to my knees. No more bargains, no more pledges!" Just a prayer that God knows what is best and because he loves Alison the way he does, and me the way he does, then that is "good enough for me"! A Prayer that if he is going to take her, he takes her with her heart and mind clear. With peace in her sole and help from those around her. A prayer for healing if not for Ali's body than her sole, if not for Ali's body than for her family and friends. A prayer that God will span the miles for me so I can tell her how much she means to me, how much she has changed me and, how much I love my friend!

But in the end..........I still have HOPE! Cause if it can be done, if the cancer can be taken from her body and her health restored, at the very edge of the cliff, God can do it! And if I give that last bit of hope over, I loose a major part of who I am, a promise I make to myself, to Ali, and to God. Never give up! If the road seems to long, the light is not at the end of the tunnel, don't do it. That is what God does not want of us. Cherish life. Protect it. Value it. All things that are worth it require endurance. So I am there until Ali blows the whistle. Alison used to run Cross Country as did I in high school. I picture her in that final stretch right now. The weather is stifling. Her mouth is parched. Her legs are are like dragging two large stone. Her lungs are burning and yet she knows the ribbon is ahead of her. Up the hill, down the hill. Around the bend. I hope that their are the trees to grant her coolness, to refresh her for the final sprint. And in the end God only knows what is on the other side of the ribbon. But whatever happens this girl wins first prize in my book!

I love you Alison!

Struggling! Prayer Times!

What words are there to say? I have been struggling the past few days for something to say and have just decided to remain quiet, collect my thoughts, pray and think positive. So sorry for those who have sent emails.

This has turned out to be a down-right ugly war. The twists and turns have been unimaginable and difficult to digest while sitting on the sidelines watching my best friend take this nasty, devil-of-a disease head on. Feeling helpless so far away from her, yet knowing I would really be no help if I was closer. Knowing that the people that Ali needs are feet away and that these moments are for them.

So where are we at today? Today is the day when we, God's children are being tested. When things feel like they can't get any worse but do, are we to stop having hope or do we fall to our knees and ask for his help. I have faith in all you that prayer is where your hearts are. That when you post that note, write that email, send that card and you say that you are praying, that YOU ARE PRAYING. For those three words are very powerful to Ali and Tom and both their families right now. Just hearing those words bring about encouragment and hope.

As of today I will be fasting all day for this whole week or maybe longer. As long as my friend needs me I will go without. Alison is fighting,then you better believe I will fight for her. This is all I can do to help now. What are you able to do? Maybe this proposal might be too extreme but think of a way to humble yourself before the Lord and pray. The best way for you and do it. I propose Prayer times for the following day. Set your mental clock, stop and pray a quick simple prayer at these times. If you forget or just can't stop at one particular time, please pick up at the next time!

Starting Tuesday at 9:00am, Alison's Prayer Warriors are kindly asked to pray at the beginning of every new hour around the clock. I realize that it will be impossible to pray while you sleep and at other times, however, if you find youself awakened at 2:00am then there is your clue. Start praying and we will all take it from there. We will do this for 24 hours (Wednesday 9:00am) however, I challenge those of you who really want to see how far the power of prayer can go to committing this to your watches, pocket pc's, oven timers etc. for how ever long we need. Until Alison can get to the other side of the shore during this nasty storm.

Please Help! God Bless!

Calling all Prayer Warriors!

Ok guys! We need to get on the ball for this day of fasting and prayer. For those who are fearful of the fasting there are ways to fast without putting your health at risk. So please go to this website and check out http://healingscripture.com. Get the information you need and email me immediately at this address :

prayerwarriors4alison@gmail.com

We are not expecting that people pray for 24 hours straight. The goal is to assign people specific hours they are responsible for. If you want to pray more that that is wonderful. The ultimate goal would be to have multiple people praying at the same time throughout the 24 hour period.

"In Luke 18:1 Jesus told his disciples that they "should always pray and not give up." and then Jesus asked "...will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?" Pray to God from your heart for healing. Don't stop. Don't give up. God wants us to ask him for help. He loves us."

I hope to be hearing from you all soon! God Bless!

Kimberly